Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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