I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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