Dual....:-)
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
