Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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