My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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