all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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