Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I cockslap morals
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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