Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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