Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Houston, we have a blender
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Terrible idea I love it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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