My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
