it hurts more in the daytime
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
