super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
