Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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