Yo dont text me then not text me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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