Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
