i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
