I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
