so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize