Quick, to the slutcave!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
