I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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