he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize