i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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