Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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