Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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