just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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