Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The adults are the big ones right?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
