Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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