I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
