She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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