You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
