I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
