I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
