I haven't been this sober since birth.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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