I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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