someone threw a dead crab at me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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