remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
