yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
