can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
