Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
