I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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