there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dicks are not precious.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
