i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You need Xanax blowdarts
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
