He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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