Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
