I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
