So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
