i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
