He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
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He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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