the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
