I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
