I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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