dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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