Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
