dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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