i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sponge bath it is.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
