i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
