I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
