Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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