We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
