I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
