That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
