my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it's great music for shaving your balls
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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