I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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