I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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