If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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