i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize