Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
