Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
