Jerry, you need to find god
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
