Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
