I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
