I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
