I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
