just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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